Dear God,

how much love can a man give. how much love is needed to fill a human's heart?
i've been in so much self conflict recently that i cant even face myself anymore.
why is it so difficult to trust and open my heart and mind to your plans and ways.

there's only so much i can do with my own willpower. but i'll always find it difficult to humble myself to admit that i'm nobody, and i cant do things without the the strength from You. so why are humans so stupid, and forever sinning. i'm totally disgusted by the nonsense i do. sigh. and there are really few humans that can help me now. i can easily say how people are not humbled, and point out people's mistakes, but i am always blinded by my own. if this is not the right time for me to be in any commitment, but only to You, please tell me, hint to me, appear in my dreams or whatever ways. but just let me know. i just want a guy that fears and loves You more than i do, to help me in my spiritual growth, and correct me in all my ways. but i guess guys like that really dont exist anymore. i'll just keep praying with faith that my life is planned. yes i do have a list of characteristics (no cheating, no lies, no smoking, no drinking, no clubbing, no whatsoever and must give me my disney wedding and what not) of my guy, but i guess, if they are meant to be something else in Your plans, then i'll accept it.

and me being a human, the list of things i pray for never end. yet God you know everything. but i still fail to see that your plans are still so great. sighhhh. please help me see it.


in Jesus' name,
Amen


this post is not meant for anyone on earth.