because people get lazy/cant read chinese. so i'm doing this in chinese.

因為我不想連累你，我不會錯過這次的機會離開你。我希望你不會恨我，但是我知道你一定會。如果有一天你會讀到這篇blog post，我不知道從此怎麼面對你。我不是不愛你，但是如果我不走我會變成你的負擔，我不能給你幸福，我不可以開開心心的配你過完下半輩子。每次見到你的時候，不是很想抱你，就是想見到你的笑。我只希望你能找到幸福，不要再想我了，因為我不想你受這种痛苦。我只想用這一生的時間回味我們的回憶，想起你，我在心中都會笑出來。 我會用愛在記憶中找你，因為一次一次一次的回憶讓我知道我們很好。我知道我是不可能再睡醒的一秒也會緊緊抱你。從香港回來時，在飛機上再看了《那些年，我們一起追的女孩》，就知道我們是不可能永遠的幸福快樂。最完美的愛情是會有個句號的，而我們也不例外。我希望己年後，如果我們隨便一個結婚時，對方能為另一方開心。雖然我還是做不到放下你，總有一天我一定行的。我是很難忍，但每次和你一起時，我是放不下你所做過的事，跟你在一起我實在感覺不到安全感。



you unworthy piece of shit that deserves to be dead.
not worth my grades. not worth my life, not worth my time.
not worth my efforts, not worth my lies, not worth my troubles.
not worth anything in my entire life, but you had them all.
you fucking ruined my life, and still joke about it. just fuck off.


and i move on with you in mind. (:
thank you for being there. always.
you've been so so so good to me.
and such a blessing in my life. :D

oh baby i love you.
sigh. only if you knew.
this is best for us.

and thank you for hearing my rants in the middle of the night. <3
you've been such a blessing in my life. and i can never get enough of it.
you're so important to me, and i dont know what i'll do without you.
i love you, and i really mean it. thanks babe.

you've been the best barker boy i've met.
thank you for that shoulder and ear i needed.
thank you for praying with me and loving me in such a way.
i'm sorry that we've not been talking since after hk. and things get awkward.

you've been the best man i've met. okay not. but one of.
your weekly "how are you"s may be the shortest conversation.
but i'm glad that you even bother, and is always ready for my nonsense.

so mummy is deeply convinced that i should be going to further my studies, and with my lousy grade, i cant get into a local uni, so i have to go overseas. yes. i'm gonna die there alone. i always planned to take a gap year so that i can catch up with ALL my friends, because some idiot stole too much time, and i just need more time with God, church, friends and family. so yeah. i really planned to take up christian education during this gap year, get all my facts right, and then hopefully, get baptized early next year. then like move my ass over to wherever will accept me. but whatever it is, i just want to be baptized before going to uni. so yes, now i pray that God takes everything to the plans that is good for me. if i leave this year, i'll have to leave in july. i cant take this. i need some mental preparation.

saying that i dont miss you is a lie.