i really wish this feeling would go away.
my imagination is really in our way.
and all i wanna do is forget you.
so that i can start anew.
sigh.
i'll never get away from this pain all my life if i dont let go.
so lipin, why are you so stupid to let this continue.
the nightmare will just keep coming.
with more sleepless nights crying.
it's currently 4am.
and i'm still up thinking.
you were the one i thought of.
then you made me think otherwise.
what is this world coming to.
i'll never know what happened then.
i'll never get this whole situation right.
i'll never stop thinking or crying about it.
i can never get over it.
how am i gonna live the rest of my life like that.
how do i face you again.
i just wish nothing happened.
i can never feel that sense of security again.
just that closeness, a word, or whatever with someone else kills me.
and i hate myself for it.
why is it that trying so hard makes me mad.
and it tears me apart day to day.
where are the sun's rays for the brighter day.
sometimes, it's not about how i'm ending it, cos i know if you know what you're doing or not. it's not about just killing me in pain. you have no right to judge how much pain one feels. and it gives me no right to judge yours. it's not just about the fact that you are a guy, and have all right to cheat. neither is it about a girl that gives you all right to be a slut. it's neither about being a tranny, not knowing the gender you love. leopards will never change its spots. not on the guy's side, neither will it be on the girl's or even the tranny's. for the longest time, i thought that maybe, just maybe, i could give everything up for you. but at this very moment. i dont think i can. because i know you probably cant. and i'm just this close to giving up after seeing/watching/smelling/hearing/touching/reading/making/singing/breathing/knowing/whatever certain things. you'll never be the same person i knew on 20 04 2009. neither will i. you'll never see that effort i put in, like i'll never see yours. being soft hearted isnt gonna get me anywhere. my ears need to start getting blocked.