it's been two months plus since i found out a certain something that has caused me tears every night. and i really mean EVERY NIGHT. no matter how tired i am from the day of whatever i was doing, i stop and get reminded of you. it'll start as a smile like an idiot, which will turn into a frown with tears, never ending tears. they only end when i finally get to sleep.

sigh. i really should start getting out of this mess i'm in. i should start listening to all my friends instead of you. i've only known you for like. 2.5years. and in between, we never really talked. how am i supposed to know what kind of person you are? true that i make my own choices, but what is it that is making me choose this path to torture myself?

you were once a blessing in my life. but now a torture. because i still cant forget what you've done. i know i can easily forgive you. because that's how much i care. but it's just something that you take for granted. i'm not gonna tell you how much i've been suffering. because i know that you've the heart to delete whatever there is and have people around you, i can walk away more easily. it'll hurt on both sides, tear me inside out, but i'm in so much pain every time i see you. i'm not strong enough to say it, because my heart is soft whenever i see you. i dont ever want to see you sad. i just want things to go back to what they were.

the other night, i deleted my number. in the midst of it, i opened a text. i wrote a really long note to explain myself, but decided to deleted it in the end. i really thought that i could live without texting you. without you being in my life. i deleted everything i could that night. i cried and cried. but the moment i kissed you and saw your smile in your sleep, i stopped. i dont know what this is about. i just wanted that moment to stay forever. but the world isnt perfect. sigh. you aint gonna be like that forever. you cant be the same again.

since you've lost it, just leave.