disappointments are always caused by all these bad timings. and i know where this is going. right from the start, it has already been like that. you'll never know how many stupid things i've done for you. it's so many that i dont even want to think about how long the list can get. it's ridiculous. but i'm not regretting it. yet, that is. i hope the yet never really comes. ahwells.

on a much lighter note, i'm loving my girls for making the end of the year such a good one. i've been under so much stress, pain and what not. but they have been around for me every single time i need them, even when it meant overseas messages. all these small things just make up for what i'm going through. and finally meeting all of them again relieves my pain because i can be me, without getting judged, without getting picked on. and they bring out the better side of me, reminding me what i should and should not be doing. (((:

ohwells. watching my dramas at this time. dramas always show the better side of everything. and i always dream of meeting a guy like this character+this character+that character+OH THAT ONE TOO! but these characters are fictional. i'll never be able to find a tall, rich, good looking, cute, funny, smart, patient, loving, romantic, successful, and most importantly, a christian. good one that is. my dreams of spending the first second of christmas/newyear/whatever with the person i love will never really come true. we'll never go star gazing on a nice green grass patch. neither will we kiss under the rain/fireworks/whatever. i will never receive 99roses, not that i really like them. i will not have a guy that will drive me around because he wants to. i will never have this guy to knock on my door in the middle of the night with supper when i'm having a craving. i will not have a guy that will make a joke out of himself to make me happy. he will never design something and make it, just for us. he is not going to do stupid things with me, nor help me overcome the fears i have. i highly doubt that any guy available now would pretend to be drunk to confess his love. and i'll never meet a guy that will do stupid things with me, let me be myself and accept me for who i am. i'm such a bitter girl tonight.