sometimes, i am so scared that i forget things that i have to write them down. but i tend to even forget writing them down. that is when i really forget all these things. i’m fear saying things that i dont mean. i feel that i’m schizo or something. it’s like i really cant remember things as recent as what happened 2seconds ago. it’s feels as though i have some sort of mental problem. i dont even know what i’m up to anymore.

i dont know what God is trying to do with me right now, my faith has been shaking so much that i thought that God isnt even around when i really need help. i prayed and prayed, but i dont get any answers.

i cry every night because i dont know what this is. i dont want to go home because i cant even identify myself anymore. you tell me that you've done this and this. but i never tell you anything that i do. that is why you feel as though you're doing much more, just cos i suck at expressing myself. i’m talking to myself in my head that sometimes, i cant even figure which is reality and which is not. i mix them up like rojak. really. i cant tell which is true. sigh.

i’m so scary that even i’m scared of myself. i dont want to face myself anymore. i cant even begin to think about why i deserve anyone’s love for me. and it's not just one.

so what am i up to next?

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you dont even know when i'm having a bad day. and i just feel really bad for screwing it up, thus keeping it to myself, and hope that i'll forget it soon enough. sigh.