it's not a nice post to read, so i suggest you skip it, if you even planned on reading it.

the mask i put on everyday just gets thicker and thicker after everyday of poly life. but i know one day, it'll start fading. gossips and what not. i've had enough. reasons why i dont like certain people are clear enough, but you dont seem to get it. and there are things that you can do, but i cant. w

there are some things that you'll never understand, because you grew up in an extremely different environment. you'll never know what i'm going through, because there is no such thing in your family. h

it was only with him around, that i didnt have a mask on. but since then, i have one. and not many people know why. i dont think you know too, do you? things are different. i started to feel insecure. and you're not gonna get it. a

it just makes me feel bad whenever i think of a reason to turn you down, because i know i'll end up thinking about the differences if i went. like. really, i have to spend so much time fighting with the inner me. t

i was listening to random songs the other day, and like. all the national day songs came to me. together, home, where i belong and what not. mg was the first thing that came to me, because that's where everything is. stop looking at me as though i'm an idiot for loving mg so much. there's nothing wrong, and it's a fact. anyway, point being. mg came first, not home. how is that so? i dont know.

maybe because you dont have relatives that make you go mad, but i do. really, i'm fucking sick and tired of all these shit, and you just have to make it worse at times. you'll never understand. all you'll do is make me be the one that takes the first step, because family means so much to you, and not to me at all. a

out of all the days away from home, i never ever thought about going home. not about how much i miss home, but instead, i only thought about fan (for some reason). does this really matter? meeting my parents a the airport. i didnt even say more than 10sentences for the hour after that. m

many many times i wonder if i'm really worthy.
i really wish that you could answer my question.
what have i done?
but it seems like you have no answer at all.

i think it's going nowhere. our conversations never really last. and i'm tired of having a question through msn, expecting me to answer a yes/no, and then close it after. i

and the people that has been saying he's not a nice person and what not. complain complain complain, tell me this and that, fuck you lar. how many times have you even spoken to him? how much do you know. it doesnt mean that you dont believe in it, means i wont too okay. seriously, just get over it. stop talking to me. i never said you were friends with me to begin with. ?

and i know you're reading it.